Poetry
Flash Flood Feelings
I never knew I owned so many feelings,
until I stumbled upon the room,
they somehow found their way into.
Rooted deep within the back of my mind,
behind a precocious lock system.
Activated only by one of the bodies organ's-
my heart. Which is the key to unlock,
any of the emotions in my possession,
and honestly I have a confession.
Not all of them came in through the front door.
The emotions, that is... see some of them,
snuck right in, and blended in with the rest.
The way they sneak right out, unforeseen,
and make themselves known to me.
Droves of feelings and yet somehow,
too many feelings can leave one feeling...
numb. Like I've been rubbed raw of emotion,
washed away by the waves of an internal-ocean.
A sea of sorrows, joy, angst, love, and loss.
Just as if the door to that hidden room,
deep within myself, acts as an emergency spillway...
if that room gets too crowded,
The entire depths of me can come gushing out,
all at once, each unique feeling riding it's own wave.
My body now a personal oasis,
generated by a rapid flood of chaos.
​
© Renee Dixon 2017
A Friend Within
By Renee Dixon 12-6-2017
It still surprises me, when I look into the mirror.
The eyes of my youth, staring back at me.
“We made it.” I whisper, as I run my brush,
through the length of my sun-kissed brown hair.
It's the same face I've peered at, year after year.
Through tear stained cheeks, swollen eyes, runny make-up.
Just like all those times, I told myself- I will not give up.
“We will make it.” The friend I thought I didn't have...was myself.
When in the midst of the devil's playground,
watching the “adults” playing with fire...
I stayed in a corner, observed from afar.
“This isn't who you have to be, this isn't who you are.”
Now I thank God for the gift of intelligence,
to see through the many facades around me.
For seeking me out when alone in my room,
a true Father, shining his light in the dark for me.
Some people have others to draw strength from,
to admire, look up to, nice footsteps to follow...
while others have to make their own way,
which isn't always easy, but takes a lot of courage.
Carving a path for yourself, in a life of pain and chaos...
Learning to love yourself when no one else does.
When these tender eyes sought love, and comfort..
it was found in my heart, when I said my prayers each night.
The little spark inside of me, the Jesus sized hole...
that's in everyone. Sometimes, the only hope I had,
through each heartache filled tear, to persevere.
Until the time, I could stand firmly- without fear.
Until the day I could look into the mirror,
at these tender eyes, on a slightly older face,
and whisper to myself, “See...”
“We made it, wasn't it worth it?”
Tiny feet now under my door, and in my womb stirring.
I will draw from my own strength, and God's strength.
Be a woman of courage, for my own children.
What I always needed...and somehow found, within.
​
© Renee Dixon 2017
“Centuries Inside of Me”
By Renee Dixon
​
These very cells inside of me,
they aren't my own, I was not first.
I borrowed them from my mother you see,
and she borrowed them from hers.
They aren't my own, I was not first,
they go generations back.
I borrowed them from my mother you see,
but they've been handed down for centuries.
They go generations back,
to the Indians, and Irishmen.
They've been handed down for centuries,
I have centuries inside of me
To the Indians and Irishmen,
Germans even Englishmen.
I have centuries inside of me,
I know these roots in me run deep.
Germans, even Englishmen,
so many different souls.
I know these roots in me run deep.
Centuries of love, through me now flow.
​
© Renee Dixon 2017
My Retreat
My heart beats faster,
when the wind blows through my hair.
I'd rather be surrounded by trees,
than screens.
I'd rather smell the daffodils,
than a burnt meal.
Left far too long by a distant mind.
I'd rather find a four leaf clover,
than a like.
I'd rather take a hike,
with God by my side,
and a clear mind.
I'd rather hear a stream running,
than someone's mouth.
The only buzz I want to hear,
is the honeybees or hummingbirds near.
I don't want to be in the spotlight,
I want the moonlight.
I wanna gaze up at the stars,
that shine so bright at night.
I want to be in the world,
that God created.
Not the brick walls,
or some screen to fade in.
I want to find warmth by a fire,
appreciate the little things.
Like the tiny drops of nectar,
a honeysuckle brings.
As a child I ran wild,
flowers in my hair, not a single care.
Dirt beneath my feet,
nature- my retreat.
Renee Dixon
© Renee Dixon, all rights reserved. All material belongs to author, and may not be redistributed without permission of author.
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